A Week's End

As the Hunter's Moon rises in the night's sky, I've decided to put an end to this week's blogs. I hope y'all understand how difficult it is for me to write them right now. 

Reggie is going back to early years of being by my side, giving lots of kisses and trying to cheer me up. Yes, the anxiety is back along with the depression, so Reggie has double duty now. His nickname is Best Boy and he truly lives up to the title. I can always count on him to be there for me. 

I'll try to make the blogs better next week and focus on the animals and how they're doing. My heart just hasn't been into it this week. 

Jewel and Rory

Decisions

I'm cautiously making decisions now based on how I've been mulling things over and over in my mind. Because of the rumors, because of betrayal and abandonment, and because my heart isn't in it anymore, I'm going to withdrawal the IRS request for the Chamber and close the Chamber of Commerce I started in May. I had big dreams that I know I would have succeeded in, but this is just part of the fallout. 

I did a lot for the town in five short months, but I've seen how fickle a lot of the residents can be. My time is best spent elsewhere and while this decision weighed on me tremendously, I finally decided to let it go. 

I appreciate those who are sending me texts and private messages caring about me. My life has irrevocably changed and these baby steps will eventually take me somewhere. 

Picture of a random devil's claw that showed up in the pasture (probably from the high winds). At least now I can show y'all. 

Just One

Lately, I've been working on a new mantra to tell myself. I've come up with "just one". Just one thing to look forward to, just one moment in the day to find joy or beauty, just one breath to keep going. 

I wasn't going to even speak of it but after speaking with my therapist today, he thinks I should. As I've mentioned, I'm going through a difficult time right now. Usually, I suffer in complete or near total silence. However, this issue was too big and I reached out to a select handful of friends. Again, I really have a tough time opening up to others that they won't hurt me with my weaknesses. Guess what? One of those supposed friends did just that. She took my pain and threw it back in my face, by text no less. There was no help, no support, no reasoning other than I guess her need to feel righteous. She assumed things that wasn't her place and judged me for how I'm working through things. That's not a friend. That's not even a decent person. 

I, and I'm only speaking for myself, am doing what is best for me right now. I am not drinking (other than the two margaritas last Friday night) because I don't need to mask my pain. I'm not eating the best, but I'm making sure I eat. I sit outside some. I make sure that I get out of bed and shower. I talk with my therapist. I talk with my real friends. I talk to my mom. And I take things as just one. 

Three generations of the same line: Spice, Spice Girl and Fudgie. I had to call her Fudgie because she looks so much like Fudge I kept getting confused!

Progress

Most things in life are beyond our control, but I try to focus on what I can control and go from there. I make my lists (in my mind) and systemically work through them. A lot of stuff has been going by the wayside with the farm and it was time to bring that back into focus. 

I'm only talking about the farm in general, mind you. Y'all know my animals are well taken care of, but that's not everything the farm entails. There is prepping for winter (which I still wonder if we're going to get even close this year to freezing temps), getting all the vehicles/trailers serviced and up to date, clearing out waste of all types, and more. Then there's planning on projects for whenever Gator has time. 

But I always find time to play with my animals. The newborn kids got their snuggles and didn't fuss at all! Callie is not only allowing me to pet and brush her, but she's starting to play with me, too. And Rory is learning that I'm just always going to take pics of him. 

S'mores Kids

For a fun weekend twist, S'mores had twins on Saturday! I've named them Almond Joy and Mounds. Yes, one has nuts, the other doesn't. 

Mama and the twins are doing well. I've got three ready to sell this week and now these two will be next in line. People joke about rabbits reproducing, but I think goats have them beat! 

That's about it. It was a hot and dry weekend, but we're supposed to get a cold front this week. Fingers crossed!

Some Improvements

Now that I've got the farm back up and running like it should for the most part, today was about the next item on my list. I finally just shopped online and got everything I needed left for the lake house so to start renting it. I also have to contact an exterminator, but at least the end is in sight. I need to start having income for myself and the farm isn't it just yet. 

After the lake house, don't worry, I've still got tons on my list to do. The animals will need to be dewormed, some things need to be built on the homestead, and some things need to be fixed up to sell. Six weeks from now, I'd like to say that the RV has been sold, all the animals are good, and that I've got enough hay to last the winter. That's goals for you. 

Have a good weekend, I'm going to be brave this weekend. Wish me luck! 

Maesie's selfie

Sweet Fiona?

Y'all know Fiona isn't my friendliest cow. She and I have always had a healthy level of respect for each other. Mainly, that she knows she can give me a look and I'll back off. But no, she'll always let me brush her and sometimes pet her side. Side note: the side doesn't have horns or kicking legs. 

Today though, she wanted love. I was in the mule and she brought her whole gigantic head in for me to pet her anywhere I wanted. I even got both my hands to framing her face and she was enjoying it. I can't explain it, but we had a moment and that meant so much to me. 

All the other animals enjoyed their usual petting and brushing, but that Fiona. She gave me that connection I've wanted with her for so long.